It is a treat to be able to choose the time to say goodbye
Three weeks before Jeffrey Epstein died in federal custody in August 2019, a handwritten note was allegedly found in his Manhattan jail cell following a first suicide attempt — a note that spent years sealed in a courthouse vault before a federal judge ordered its release this week. Cryptic in tone and unverified in authorship, the note speaks of choosing when to say goodbye, of defiance, and of something no longer worth enduring. Its emergence does not close the questions surrounding Epstein's death, but it widens the aperture through which we are permitted to look.
- A note sealed for years — never included in any official investigation — has now entered the public record, reigniting scrutiny of what was known, and withheld, about Epstein's state of mind.
- The handwriting is cramped and uneven, the language defiant and despairing: 'NO FUN' and 'NOT WORTH IT!!' underlined at the bottom, as if someone were tallying a final accounting.
- Epstein's cellmate, Nicholas Tartaglione — himself convicted of four murders — surfaced the note's existence on a podcast last year, raising immediate questions about why it had never appeared in government reports.
- Competing accounts of the July 2019 incident persist: one guard recorded Epstein claiming Tartaglione tried to kill him; Tartaglione said he thought his cellmate was having a heart attack.
- The note's authorship remains unestablished, its authenticity unconfirmed — the judge's unsealing makes the mystery visible, but does not begin to resolve it.
On a July morning in 2019, Jeffrey Epstein was found on the floor of his Manhattan jail cell with a strip of bedsheet around his neck. His cellmate, Nicholas Tartaglione, claimed to have discovered a handwritten note tucked inside a book shortly after the incident. For years, that note sat sealed in a courthouse vault, entangled in an unrelated legal matter. This week, a federal judge ordered it released.
The note is difficult to read, its handwriting cramped and uneven. It opens with a declaration of vindication — 'They investigated me for month — found nothing!!!' — then shifts toward something darker: 'It is a treat to be able to choose the time to say goodbye.' It grows defiant before ending with two underlined phrases: 'NO FUN' and 'NOT WORTH IT!!'
Who wrote it is unknown. Tartaglione, a former police officer serving a life sentence for killing four people, mentioned the note last year on a podcast — surprising observers, since it had never appeared in any official government report on Epstein's death. Judge Kenneth Karas in White Plains weighed privacy concerns before deciding to unseal it; federal prosecutors did not object.
Jail records from the July 23 incident show Epstein had friction marks on his neck and was found breathing heavily. One guard noted Epstein claimed Tartaglione had tried to kill him — a charge Tartaglione denied. When interviewed days later, their accounts diverged only slightly. Epstein was placed on suicide watch for 31 hours, then downgraded to psychiatric observation, during which he told a psychologist that suicide was against his religion and that he was a coward who didn't like pain.
Epstein was found dead on August 10, 2019, alone in his cell at the Metropolitan Correctional Center. A second note found there read more like a list of grievances about jail conditions than a farewell. Investigations that followed documented serious failures by jail personnel.
The note Tartaglione claims to have found has not been authenticated, its author not confirmed, its significance not established. Yet it now exists in the public record — a fragment of language suggesting someone was thinking about endings, about joy's absence, about whether anything remained worth continuing. The judge's decision to unseal it does not solve the mystery. It only ensures we can no longer pretend the mystery isn't there.
On a July morning in 2019, Jeffrey Epstein was found on the floor of his cell at a Manhattan federal jail with a strip of bedsheet around his neck. His cellmate, Nicholas Tartaglione, claimed he discovered a handwritten note tucked inside a book shortly after the incident. For years, that note remained sealed in a courthouse vault, locked away as part of an unrelated legal dispute. On Wednesday, a federal judge ordered it released to the public—a cryptic fragment that offers a window, however murky, into the mind of a man who would be dead three weeks later.
The note is difficult to read in places, its handwriting cramped and uneven. "They investigated me for month — found nothing!!!" it begins. Then: "It is a treat to be able to choose" the "time to say goodbye." The writer grows defiant. "Watcha want me to do — Bust out cryin!!" The note ends with two underlined phrases: "NO FUN" and "NOT WORTH IT!!"
Who wrote it remains a mystery. Tartaglione, a former police officer serving a life sentence for killing four people, mentioned the note last year during an appearance on a podcast hosted by writer Jessica Reed Kraus. The revelation surprised many observers—the note had never appeared in the lengthy government reports examining Epstein's death, nor in the Justice Department's recent release of files on the financier. US District Judge Kenneth Karas in White Plains, New York, weighed the privacy interests of third parties before deciding to unseal it. Federal prosecutors did not object to the release.
The July 23 incident itself was documented in jail records. Epstein had friction marks and skin irritation on his neck. Officers found him breathing heavily but responsive. One guard reported that Epstein claimed Tartaglione had tried to kill him—a charge Tartaglione later denied. When both men were interviewed four days later, their accounts diverged slightly. Epstein said he had never had issues with his cellmate and didn't want to "make up something that isn't there." Tartaglione said they kept conversations minimal and that on the day in question, he thought Epstein was having a heart attack because his eyes were open and he appeared to be snoring.
Jail officials placed Epstein on suicide watch for 31 hours after the incident, then downgraded him to psychiatric observation. During that time, Epstein told a jail psychologist that suicide was against his Jewish religion and that he was a "coward" who didn't like pain. He denied trying to harm himself. The two men had shared a cell for about two weeks, beginning shortly after Epstein's arrest on July 6 on sex trafficking charges. Tartaglione was awaiting trial on charges that he killed four men in 2016, including one he tortured and strangled over stolen drug money.
On August 10, 2019, Epstein was found dead in his cell at the Metropolitan Correctional Center. By then, he had no cellmate. Authorities concluded he had taken his own life. They found another handwritten note in his cell—this one appeared to be a list of grievances about jail conditions: complaints about food, showers, and bugs. It did not read like a suicide note. The circumstances surrounding his death prompted investigations into a series of missteps by jail personnel, including officers who browsed the internet and slept when they should have been monitoring him.
The note Tartaglione claimed to have found raises questions that may never be answered. Its authenticity has not been established. Its author remains unknown. It was not mentioned in any official investigation into Epstein's death. Yet it exists now in the public record, a fragment of language that suggests someone—whether Epstein or someone else—was thinking about endings, about the absence of joy, about whether any of it was worth continuing. The judge's decision to unseal it does not resolve the mystery. It only makes the mystery visible.
Citações Notáveis
They investigated me for month — found nothing!!! It is a treat to be able to choose the time to say goodbye. Watcha want me to do — Bust out cryin!!— From the unsealed note
I never had any issues with Tartaglione, wasn't threatened by him and didn't want to make up something that isn't there.— Epstein, in jail interview on July 31, 2019
A Conversa do Hearth Outra perspectiva sobre a história
Why did this note stay hidden for so long?
It was sealed as evidence in Tartaglione's criminal case, caught up in a dispute over his legal representation. Nobody knew about it except the people directly involved—until Tartaglione mentioned it on a podcast last year.
And nobody in the government reports on Epstein's death mentioned it?
Not once. It never surfaced in the Justice Department's files either. That's part of why its release matters now—it's a piece of the record that was missing.
Do we know if Epstein actually wrote it?
No. That's the central question, and it's unanswered. Tartaglione said he found it in a book after the incident, but there's no way to verify that or confirm the handwriting.
What does the note actually tell us about his state of mind?
If he wrote it, it suggests someone thinking about control, about choosing when to end things, about life not being worth the effort. But that's a big if. And even if he did write it, one note doesn't explain everything that happened in the weeks after.
Why release it now, after all this time?
The judge decided the privacy interests of a deceased person are "vastly reduced." The public interest in understanding what happened outweighed keeping it sealed. The New York Times asked for it, prosecutors didn't object, and the judge agreed.
Does it change what we know about his death?
Not fundamentally. It adds texture, maybe. It raises questions. But the official conclusion—that he died by suicide—doesn't rest on this note. It rests on what happened in his cell on August 10, and the failures of the people supposed to be watching him.